Of Mikes and Mis-Guided Men

The NFL has had helmet-cam. Major League Baseball (along with FOX-TV) has catcher-cam. Neither of those so-called fan-friendly implementations intrudes on the strategic aspects the game. David Stern’s latest directive does.

Disobeying Stern’s iron-handed fist costs the perpetrator $100,000. Apparently, opposers to this ridiculous rule don’t care. Last Sunday, Toronto coach Butch Carter and Seattle coach Paul Westphal dis-miked themselves during their contest. "I just can’t do it," Westphal said. "It’s an unfair restriction on my ability to compete."

In the past, several rules have placed restrictions on players too. Take the no hand-checking rule imposed by league this season. Whether the rule is justified, we all know the league was tormented by 75-65 scores. (Personally, I don’t mind the rule, mainly because it now means defenders have to use their "feet" again to stop an opposing team’s scorer.)

It’s one thing to limit somebody’s physical advantage over another. It’s yet another to tell a coach he can use only a little white board to diagram a play. God forbid you allow him to accompany the magic marker with a little verbal reasoning and seasoning. Suddenly, "Get your asses back on defense" turns into "Please stop the other team from scoring."

Let’s humor Mr. Stern and assume that putting mikes on coaches provides a modicum of pleasure for starving fans. Isn’t that negated by the fact that the coaches will now alter their discourse by the mere existence of the mikes?

If the NBA really cared about ratings, they would require Vince Carter to wear a mike. Then we can hear his "smack talk" after a thundering slam dunk. In fact, let’s not stop at mikes. How about requiring Raptor opponents to allow Carter a minimum of 10 dunks a game? Or allow Shaquille O’Neal to be exempt from the three-second rule. How far will David Stern and his ratings brigade go before they turn the NBA into the WWF? If you throw in "shower" coverage, Stern can hire Vince McMahon (of WWF fame) and Hugh Hefner (of Playboy fame) to do the color commentary.

In all fairness to Stern, television ratings for NBA games are down a whopping 42% from last season. (The asterisk is that last year was a strike-shortened season.) So he’s probably fishing for something – anything – to jack up interest. But as meddlesome as the "miking" rule itself is, the implication that listening to a coach can compensate for deteriorating quality of play is preposterous.

David Stern has been one of the best commissioners of any sport, any time. I’ve appreciated his attention to the fan base of this sport, and the bulk of his marketing efforts to promote it. But if the reason for sharp ratings drops is the play on the court, then the only thing that will bring those people back is improvement in that play.

The other day, I watched part of the Celtics-Pistons game on TNT. The inexperience and slop exhibited in that contest was the "poster child" for what’s wrong with this league. Granted, every team plays sub-par every so often (or in the case of the Los Angeles Clippers, "always"). But listening to a coach blurt out lifeless instructions during a timeout isn’t gonna make me forget the carnage "on" the court.

Note: As press time, the league was working out a compromise whereby individual mikes on the coach’s lapels would be replaced by "boom" microphones place near the bench.