It’s Bracket Time Baby !!

K. Enough of the Dicky V. sound alikes. March Madness is upon us, which means that before March packs it in for 2001, the NCAA will have crowned a champion. While some claim this is the primo sporting event of the year, still others will settle for the Big Dance being a mere handicap exercise. Whether you’re a casual fan or accomplished bookie, filling out the tournament bracket has become a pre-spring rite of passage. Which map will get us there? Anybody’s guess.

There’s not enough space in this column for a serious, full-fledged tournament review to blossom. You’ll get my Final Four participants in an upcoming paragraph, but first, let us examine what this bracket thing is all about, and how one goes about playing this harmless pre-tournament game.

When I opened the Milwaukee Journal/Sentinel sports page Monday morning, I turned immediately to the full-page, write-in friendly, black and white graphic entitled: NCAA Men’s Basketball Championship. I didn’t read any previews in the paper, didn’t log on to espn.com or cnnsi.com, and didn’t ask anybody what their brackets would look like come week’s end. Why? Because that would be cheating. The best way to fill out this vague object called a bracket is to give it a blank stare, go with your gut, and begin scribbling the winners.

To provide temporary self-assurance, you go straight to the #1’s vs. #16’s. Write in the #1 seeds right away. This serves two purposes, 1) they’re cinch picks, and 2) you’ve accomplished something other than just reading the bracket. In other words, the games have begun. (Did I forget to tell you that using a pencil is also cheating?) No offense to Northwestern State, Alabama State, Monmouth and North Carolina-Greensboro, but defeating a #1 seed is about as conceivable as Bill Clinton taking over the religious right. It just ain’t gonna happen.

Back to the bracket. After glancing at the matchups, seeds and maybe even seasonal records, it’s time to start going down the list and filling in the blanks. Remember, this is not an open-book exam. Log off of the Internet and stop waiting for Dicky V’s predictions. This is gut feel time baby! The mental gyrations really start to go into motion now. One of the first questions to ask is: Who’s gonna pull off the first-round upset? Who was the surprise last year (as if last year’s sleeper correlates to this years)? Like the saying goes, your guess is as good as anybody’s. Just write down your winners.

Ten minutes elapse, and you’re into the Sweet 16. If you’ve taken longer then ten minutes, you’ve been cheating. As your guilt wanes, you take a deep breath, admire your uncompleted accomplishment, and wonder if you’ve picked too many favorites (a.k.a. not enough underdogs). This is the time when you start to think about wiping out a #1, maybe a #2. Perhaps you’ve done both already. Illinois and Stanford seem vulnerable, but are Michigan State and Duke sure locks? Stop thinking and look at who they’re playing.

The first two rounds should be easier, but they’re not because a major screw-up in those rounds could spell disaster later on. But wait. What do I care who wins the second-round tussle between Oklahoma and Virginia. I say either of them would get spanked by the aforementioned Spartans. Ah, just write in any one of them.

If you’re still with me, you should be at the Eclectic 8. As Dicky V. would say: It’s crunch time baby! Lot’s of people blow their picks at this stage because there’s still room for an underdog or two, but you’re thinking that the likelihood of a major upset is greater? More likely? Hold on one second. Would an underdog team’s confidence (such as last year’s Wisconsin Badgers) snowball them in the Final Four?

You’ve sweated it out to your Final Four, and before you write in the semis and champion, you look back at what you’ve done. Was I right in picking Ole Miss to bury #1 Illinois? Don’t worry. You can think all you want, but you can’t change it. Didn’t I say that was the beauty of this whole darn mess? Duke and Maryland in the East-West side of the Final Four? Is that too cliché? Two ACC teams meeting once again? What about Ole Miss against Michigan on the other side of the Final Four isle? That doesn’t sound right, does it?

Take it for what it’s worth bracket babies. It’s time to write the final two participants and crown a virtual champion. I’m not that upset-crazy, my friends. I’m picking Michigan State over Duke for a repeat performance by Tom Izzo’s talented bunch. Call me a chicken. Call me a safe road hog. Just don’t say I cheated, OK?