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Bratz Lionsgate 110mins PG. Directed by Sean McNamara  Let us talk
about the job of the producer. It's an extremely important one,
going to the banks and insurance companies looking for financing. A
genius producer can manage to get the money for just about anything,
and that's what Avi Arad and his cohorts Steven Paul and Isaac
Larian are. Geniuses. They, and top flunkies Benedict Carver and
Kyla Kraman. actually managed to get people to pony up money for
what has to be one of the bottom ten worst films of the year. Only
geniuses, albeit evil ones, could manage this feat. Huzzah! Bratz are a series of dolls that were invented by a toy manufacturer named Isaac Larian back around the turn of the millennium. Barbie was having problems with feminists because they said that little girls were looking at her as a role model and causing anorexia. So Larian came up with a more cartoony design, where the pretween diva wannabees could play out their fantasies and still feel good about their waistline. This led to a Saturday morning cartoon series, and a movie was a given. Okay, Arad and company may not actually be genius producers, but with a script as bad as this, they might as well be. To explain the world of the film it's best to start with a joke: Once upon a time there was a little rich girl named Mitzy. She was in the first grade at a fancy Swiss boarding school, and her teacher assigned the kids to write a short story. Mitzy's went something like this: Once there was a very poor family: The mommy was poor, the daddy was poor, the butler was poor, the maid was poor… Welcome to the world of Cary Nation High, were the impoverished live lives of the rich and famous. Yasmin (Nathalia Ramos), Jade (Janel Parrish), Sasha (Logan Browning) and Cloe (Skyler Shaye) have been the bestest of friends since they were in pre-school, and now that they're in actually in high school, well…unfortunately, the school president, Meredith Baxter Dimly (Chelsea Staub), an autocratic bitch if ever there was one, has decided that every incoming freshman should be assigned a clique, where they will spend the next four years happy and productive. Cut to two years later, our heroines are all in their own cliques and haven't spoken together in years until one day…then comes the revolution. (Meredith, now 26, is still queen of the high school). Susan Estelle Jansen's screenplay, based on a scenario by Adam De La Pena and David Eilenberg, is one of those things that appears to have had a number of drafts written while on illegal intoxicants Clearly the basic concept of the films is: I'm watching my daughter playing with these things, what kind of plots is she making up. The whole thing appears to have come out of the head of an average eight-year-old girl, and while I have nothing against the little darlings, few actually can come up with a decent plot to save their asses. I'm sorry but it's true. This is a horrible movie! One of those things that in the future will stick out like a sore thumb on one of these young lady's resumes in years to come. Of course, one must be happy that Jon Voight and Lainie Kazan can now pay their taxes, mortgages or whatever debts they've got, but it's still painful to watch. If you have little girls, take them to something educational or entertaining. Go to Index Archives of past reviews
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